Yesterday, I was overwhelmed. I had a period of weakness, of doubt, and of frustration. I felt confused and angry. I felt alone… I began to journal and as I did, the following excerpt began to materialize:
Every time I turn around, there is another obstacle. There is another pain. There is another set back. There is another roadblock. There is another something to make me question everything I believe in. I keep asking myself what good I can do for God by struggling constantly? How can I bring glory to the Almighty God if every time I pray, my words seemingly fall on deaf ears? I’ve gone from believing the impossible to finding it nearly impossible to believe. I keep asking myself why God never just delivers me from my troubles… why it seems as though I am able to depend more on people than on God Himself. Where is God in MY circumstances? I am starting to feel like the only reason I have faith is because I need to… or because I’m afraid not to. God, where are you?!
When I got to this point, memories of all the goodness God had shown me over the years began flooding my mind and I started to realize that my fear of God not coming through for me was clouding my perspective and disallowing me from focusing on the fact that He has never let me down. In telling myself that I am able to depend on people more than on God, I am overlooking the fact that God makes connections between people at particular moments in time for the purpose of provision for whatever their current needs may be. He orchestrates circumstances in order for His Will to be facilitated.
My spirit was in knots today, asking God WHERE He was in my circumstances and HOW I can bring Him glory when all I see is struggle. I needed the reminder that just because the way hadn’t been manifested today, doesn’t mean the way hasn’t been made. What was more important, however, was recognizing that I had questions for God I had buried within my heart. I had doubts and fears within my spirit that I had tucked away and ignored, refusing to allow them to process. In doing this, I had compromised not only the strength of my faith but my relationship with God. Most significantly, I undermined my own faith by ceasing to expect God to work in my favor.
REFLECTION
How many times have you allowed fear, doubt, and frustration to overwhelm you so much that you stop operating in expectation of God working in your life? Be reminded of what built your faith in the first place, and above all else never allow fear to keep you from being honest with God about your feelings. He already knows your thoughts, feels what is in your heart, and sees into the depths of your soul. You cannot deceive Him. You can only deceive yourself… and in the process, you destroy the intimacy you have with Him.
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He does know your thoughts, your doubts. Even Jesus questioned Him, in the garden He begged Him, on the cross He questioned Him. He knows. It is not a shame to question or to beg. It is a shame to ignore. Turn your face toward Him in your time of need, like Jesus did on the cross. Never turn your face away from him. He is molding you into what you need to be, to be the vessel He intends you to be for that ultimate purpose He put you here on earth for. It may be a one time moment purpose…It may be a lifetime career purpose. Who knows? But both are divinely important. Do not miss your calling because you did NOT ask the questions, because you HID the doubts and fears. He knows it anyway. Be open and honest. That is all He asks of you. At any given moment in time. To be honest with Him. And He will take what you are and make you what you are meant to be. His.
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I just want to say that this is everything I ave been feeling. Even questioning my call to the ministry. I just feel like he was not with me. After reading this my eyes and ears are open. I realize just because he is not responding or because I can’t feel his presence. Does not mean that He left. He promised me that he will never leave me nor forsake me. Thank you for an on time word and reflection.
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God is there in the midst. Sit back and allow Him to do his job. I know its hard, Im goin thru also but I know that he has never failed me and this too shall pass. If God be for me then no one or no thing can be against me.
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This is Tony from Old Testament Survey. Very good article. I had the same experience a while back when I wrote in my journal. Everyone has those feelings sometimes. The best thing for us to do is to bring those feelings before the Lord our God. We need to lay them at the foot of the cross. Awesome post. Received some powerful wisdom. Praying for your ministry, that it may reach millions of people.
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