Have you ever arrived at a place in your spirit where you just felt overwhelmed, burned out, and empty? You look around and you think, “I should be further along than this…” or, “I’ve been here before…” You start to reevaluate your priorities, goals, and shortcomings to find that you’re not as well off spiritually than you would have hoped at this point. You come to the harsh realization that you’ve put more time into your work, your personal ambitions, or even worse yet – nothing at all – than you’ve put into building your spiritual self.
That is where I am.
I started this website back in April of 2006 and here I am five and a half years later wondering why I’m not further than I am… wondering why my soul feels empty… asking myself why I tend to feel disconnected from God and why I find it so difficult to find rest in Him anymore. It’s rough. It’s hard to accept — even harder to admit. The truth of the matter is that I find time for clients, for my husband, my children, my own desires, and even some stolen moments for friends here and there, but I don’t make time for my relationship with God.
There I said it. Now what?
I’ve traveled a long, weary road — I’ve been burned by the sun, frozen by the wind, soaked by the rain… but all along the way, I’ve also enjoyed warmth from God’s rays, been washed clean and nourished by God’s living water, and been carried by His power and His presence. Yet and still, I woke up today knowing that I have a long road ahead of me… a lot of habits to break, spirits to bind, and hills to climb in order to get back to where I once was with Him.
I think back to the nights when I could get lost for hours in prayer and never feel rushed or consider what else I should be doing at that particular time. Why? Because there was nothing more important than God. I think back to days when I would ride in my van and just sing praises to my King without considering whether or not I could hit Christina’s high note, master Alicia’s rasp, or tackle Beyonce’s vocal acrobatics. Why? Because it wasn’t about MY voice — it was about the love being expressed from my heart.
I look at myself and I think, “Who are you? What have you done with me?” I lose myself in work almost constantly — something that is the opposite of fulfilling… it’s draining. I used to love my work and love the satisfaction it brought me. Now, I’m tired and empty and feel that I don’t have time to fill myself with what I need the most — God’s Word. This is a fault of my own… one that I have to work to change because I feel God tugging at my spirit and convicting me with the question of why He isn’t first in my life anymore. I feel my soul crying out to me to feed it. I feel my heart longing to be paid attention to.
Have you been where I am?
Where are you now, and how did you get there?
No related posts.
Kat, this is such a powerful post. It makes me stop and think as well. Thanks for sharing!
[Reply]